Sorry about that.
I thought it had just gone to costumes.
Costume works.
It does the designer's thing. I mean, it works, you know.
- It works. - I think yes, but the level of that...
It works... On stage this is so bright and that is dark
and it gets very cut in half, I think.
Yes, I kind of... The black shirt would be great
- but you can't wear it. - Black would be better.
You might be able to wear something like a maroon though
- or a darker red. - Darker would be better.
Blue would be nice. Dark blue.
I can go right out and it doesn't make a problem?
- Not on stage, no. - I was going for that thing of...
- It's a skirt you could work out in. - That's the same.
Oh, yeah.
All right.
All right, then.
Once you've had something signed can you let people in the back through?
We don't know who's been done.
Third show and they keep getting better and better.
- Thank you very much. - You're awesome.
You're a mad fool.
- Thank you. - I can't agree with anybody.
I love you, Eddie, I love you. I love you.
- You don't really. - I do really! I really do.
- All right, you do. - Can I give you a kiss?
- If you do it quickly.
Is that your bike? Yeah, it is.
Do you mind if I take a ride? No.
If the other security guy... It's not mine.
I'd like it to be mine but it's not mine.
- It was a great show. Thank you. - Thank you.
And you're not too sweaty. Not at all. Massive difference.
Oof.
- There's champagne. Do you want some? - Yeah.
Can I give you a hug? Please. Erm.
OK. OK.
Are you waiting for that to be signed as well?
I can only do one thing. They look like eBay stuff...
I met with you with John Warnaby on Joe Egg. You probably don't remember.
- You sent the note. Yeah. - That's right. Good luck.
- How's it going? - Not bad, not bad. Good luck.
- Yeah. Why do you want two? - Eh?
- Why do you want two? - For a friend.
You should have said that. Give it back, I'll do the other one.
- You're such an inspiration. Incredible. - Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
I'm a transvestite, I can do what the hell I want.
The camera's not even working. Why?
- Gina. - There we go.
Thank you.
- Thank you.
The costumes that we've been waiting for for ages -
there's four jackets, one's come out now.
We were supposed to pick them up in Australia.
Even if we see a tailor tomorrow, it's gonna take them a couple of weeks.
It's going to be Chicago by the time we get it.
We can't... You can't carry on wearing the same stuff indefinitely.
- I haven't got tights. Have we got tights? - We've got tights, haven't we?
Hold on to that.
Erm. Doesn't really matter...
I measured it and the chest is 48 inches.
- 48? - There's no way your chest is 48 inches.
- 38 maybe. - But with boobs.
- Going mad on the boob thing. - They've grown since.
Is it designed to be done up or undone? Have you got the pictures?
- Or is it too heavy? - Yes, I'm on stage
and I've got huge lights on me, I overheat.
It's what the British during the Raj wore, it's very light and cool.
I'll walk on and just melt.
- I was going to keep the... - I thought it was designed to...
- I mean, wool's wool. - Why is it called tropical?
Because of the light weight.
It's the lightest wool there is and yes, that is what they used for military in...
The design is this sort of all-action transvestite.
It's sort of half-boy military frock coat that could be girlie,
skirty...boots thing.
It's a crossover place, which is quite difficult
because it's not drag queen.
- I don't know what now... - See however long it takes.
- Hello. How are you doing? - I'd like you to meet Leila.
Known her all my life. Very dear family friend.
- I think you're so talented. - You're just saying that.
I love you.
- It's good to see you. - How are you?
- Brilliant, amazing. - So good.
Second half was fun. The second half was good.
Hi Eddie, I'm Lily, it's a great pleasure to meet you.
- How are you? - I'm great.
- How are your allergies? - My allergies are good.
Ever since I started doing what you told me to do.
- What did I tell you to do? - Everything.
I told you nothing. You're talking bullshit.
I wondered, as an allergy doctor, whether you had a ton of them.
- I like being a little trampy. - You've got to be classy trampy,
executive - in that area.
- Congratulations. - I didn't have tits last time.
These can explode at any point.
I've got all these sounds back again.
I used to use a head microphone, so I had two hands but less sound
and now I'm playing around with these sounds...forever.
But also, yeah... Otherwise... People keep saying, "Oh, you just do the animal thing,"
and maybe I do just do fucking animals.
You go slow and you catch a monkey.
- It's an American phrase? - I thought so.
Don't go in like a fucking tank, you know.
It's just fun being on that horse, looking at stuff going by
and realising everyone's got this image - cos I've got this image -
of this horse going at about at 90mph, trundling along
and they're happy to let it go on and on.
I'm working on my legs, I played a lot of soccer when I was a kid.
- Look at them. Your thighs are... - We can't even fit in those.
No, it's sexy as hell.
Maybe it's a girl thing, but I just wanna see...
Every time you move, I'm like, "Almost..."
I've got a great arse. It's the one bit of my body that I'm happy with.
I've seen it from that side and I can see it from this side
but I haven't seen me from that side.
I have to imagine what it's like.
So, you're saying, "Hey, the Neanderthals conquered Egypt
"and, hey, smoke some pot." You're kind of in that area.
You might have been going, "What the fuck's he talking about?"
But I was having a ball.
I don't know about you but if I'm enjoying it I sometimes forget about the audience.
Why worry? Sometimes people tell me they enjoyed the show and I go, "Yeah..."
- Sometimes you don't enjoy it? - Sometimes you fake the whole thing.
From beginning to end.
I wait until the whooping happens and then say, "Control your whooping."
And that horsey bit you did. That was hysterical. How did you do that?
I was asked to tape Dress To Kill for a friend
and I started to watch it instead of letting the tape run out and I was totally hooked.
Because he is brilliant, he's just amazing.
I was actually at a dormitory in Amsterdam
and I was extremely intoxicated and I was forced to watch one of his specials
and I remember actually falling over a table.
I was in the car and my friend started doing Cake or Death.
I didn't know who Eddie Izzard was then and I just died laughing.
I have to say the Engelbert Humperdinck tale.
About him being alive or dead.
Or alive or dead.
There was a bunch of kids sitting around, they'd never, like...
they saw you in a movie or something.
And they came just because friends told them to go.
- Who was that? - Just people around us.
You felt that or you knew that?
We talked to them during the intermission. They said, "We had no idea."
They were like...
And you start over here and you're just having a conversation,
you can see where the mind is going and how it works.
Doesn't everyone's mind work that way?
- No. - Everyone's mind works that way.
- They just don't. - They just don't believe...to open it up.
This girl Jennifer that I work with can talk about nothing else but you
and she's very embarrassed to approach you.
- Hello. - Thank you.
I told Nick I was jealous because your boobs are bigger than mine.
He's like, "Feel his, yours feel better."
- No. - Well, try it.
I love that massive fucking flash in my face.
I'll kiss your cheek.
They're real!
They're very expensive, but good.
- They're Ferrari boobs. - I can tell.
- Eddie's wearing fuck-me boots. - Absolutely. Look at those.
He says mine are meet-me boots.
It's the round-toe, pointy-toe thing.
What does a comedian laugh at? Cos I know what I laugh at, it's you.
Usually we just say, "That's very funny," and not laugh.
We go, "That's funny... That's funny."
It's Men In Black on my phone.
It's the perfect synthesis of form and...
No, they're all bugs, you see.
It is essentially a shoot-it-up type game, which is essentially dangerous
but they've made these all Men In Black bugs from outer space.
I'm just tapping on them.
It's like wizard envy.
People would like to have a power in their hand where they could...
Doesn't have to be shooting people with bullets but if they could just sort of...
Ooh. OK.
If they could just stop people with their hand
or a wizard's staff or whatever.
It's the power, I think,
that's the key thing, as opposed to being able to shoot people dead.
But shoot-'em-up games seem to appeal to a whole boy fascination thing.
And we need to admit that
and work out why, and if you're playing these games
does that mean you want to go and kill people?
- If these are bugs as opposed to people...
More phones going off.
Is it different?
Erm.
We don't have the answers, we haven't quite got there
and I don't know if anyone's actually thinking about it.
It is a curious...dilemma.
Dictators after 1945 seem completely pointless
and I would have been there in World War II.
And I haven't been someone who's said there should be no armies,
you should get rid of everything
because dickheads keep coming along trying to oppress people.
But when it comes to a computer game, is that the same?
Like in America, everyone's so desperate to have guns and go out and shoot live things.
Why not just build all the reality shoot-'em-up games
and they can go and shoot things that way, wouldn't hurt anyone?
Must be the primal hunter thing.
We don't do the hunter thing any more so the human being has gone odd
and hunts things it doesn't need to hunt
because it's now having chickens on free range farms
so that you can have chickens specially bred.
Which is what the cavemen would have done, I suppose.
What they did with herding.
So meanwhile you shoot up bugs.
This is where we are.
Rach?
Steve...
Do you prefer the blue or not the blue? I'm very happy to do the blue.
We can do the blue for a few shots and then take it off and...
Yeah, I guess I'll just bear the heat.
Hands behind my back, yeah?
Just waist up, yeah?
I'd hate to be boring.
Yeah, that's a tricky one. I like your collar.
- These people were in a reality-type show? - They were the hosts.
- Oh, the hosts. - And these are all the acts that people do.
They'd come on stage and take a hammer.
This is much better, less white.
This one's highly pretentious.
Right, so if you want to have a seat right in the centre there.
Great.
From here.
Is this a new camera made in the old style or is it an old camera?
It's a camera from the '70s.
Yeah. Very... That's good, right there.
OK, one, two, three...
- Will it be black and white? - Black and white.
It looks best when you're sitting back. This one is just...
Yeah, too arty. To do Edwardian you've really got to look away.
Feels like a painting from the '50s.
- Should we stay around that pose? - I like that a lot.
The foreground with the jeans adds a bit of a highlight.
It's kind of wrong for the time period. The material looks different.
Yeah. Right.
Just keep your hands up in front of the buttons, nice.
Great.
That's beautiful.
This is an interview for Filter magazine.
Which is a national magazine in America which deals with filtration systems.
It's like Sieve magazine, but more filtered, more purified.
Get off the phone, Eddie!
Get your fucking make-up on.
Hey.
I'm now phoning Michael Gaston on someone else's phone
cos my phone has stopped taking messages
and I need to hear more Christopher Walken and he can do a good one.
I'm sounding like Christopher Plummer,
any other Christopher in the world other than Christopher Walken.
I want him to leave Christopher Walken noises on my phone.
But my phone is not receiving messages so I'm getting him now to leave a message.
Yeah, er, Michael. I'm going to give you another number, OK.
This is my assistant Rachel's number
because all the English Vodafones have gone berserk on me.
- What? - You waiting for it before you go on?
- How long have I got?
That's it.
Will this just go to answerphone? You know how to get messages off this?
- Press clear and it will go to answerphone. - You've probably got three minutes.
- Three minutes? - On the clock. I'll go down and check.
OK.